The First Time I Sent a Child to be Spanked Wednesday, Dec 31 2008
Uncategorized 1:59 am
I sent a child to the office because he had been hitting and kicking other children. I was upset when Iearned later that he had been spanked.
The first time I sent a child to be spanked I cried. I was a graduate student, and substitute teaching on the days that I didn’t have to go to class was a big help financially. One day when I went to get the fourth-graders I was teaching from lunch and recess I heard another teacher reprimanding one of my students. I asked what the problem was, and she told me that Adam (not his real name) had been kicking other children who were trying to get a drink at the water fountain.
Visions of broken permanent teeth and bloodied mouths came quickly to my mind, and I gave Adam a lecture on the possible consequences of his actions. I told him that if I saw him kicking or hitting another child that I would send him to the office. On the way back to the classroom, less than a minute later, I saw him kicking one of his classmates.
As soon as we returned to the classroom I wrote a note to the principal explaining what Adam had done, and sent him to the office. The rest of the class and I continued with the work that their regular teacher had left until it was time for them to go to Art.
I was about to escort the children to Art when Adam returned. He was crying and looked up at me fearfully. I was rattled by his tears, but I didn’t let it show. After taking the class to Art I headed straight for the office for an explanation.
The principal told me that this was the fourth incident in two days in which Adam had been violent toward other children. The boy’s mother was called, and she came to the school. The principal discussed her son’s actions with her, and spanked him in front of her. Ironically, Adam was spanked to teach him that violence was wrong.
I had not known that the child was going to be spanked when I sent him to the office, but if I had known, I would have sent him anyway. He had been warned, and, more importantly, I had an obligation to ensure the safety and well-being of the other children.
After leaving the office I went back to the classroom and cried. About five minutes before it was time to go and get the children from Art I put a cold, wet paper towel on my eyes because they were red and swollen, and I didn’t want the children to know I had been crying.
The next week I subbed for the Art teacher. The incident about Adam’s spanking came up, and some students from another class wanted to know who got spanked. I refused to tell them.
After school, Adam, who had been acting like a persecuted martyr, came up to me and reminded me that he was the kid I had sent to be spanked. I assured him that I remembered, but that I had an obligation to protect his privacy. He could tell anyone he wanted, but I wouldn’t. He was shocked, and didn’t say anything.
The next time I subbed for Adam’s classroom teacher I was the one who was shocked. Adam smiled at me, and greeted me pleasantly. He did his work, followed instructions the first time, and went out of his way to be helpful. He even brought me a flower he had picked during recess!
I don’t believe that Adam was trying to placate me so that I wouldn’t send him to the office again, and I certainly don’t believe that he enjoyed his punishment. I think that he felt secure because he knew that I wouldn’t put up with inappropriate behavior, and he knew that I cared about him and respected his privacy.
Children are constantly testing their boundaries, not to aggravate the adults around them but because they need to know how far they should go. Children want, and need, their parents, teachers, and other authority figures to make clear what they should and should not do.
As important as it is for children to be told when they’ve done something wrong, it’s even more important that adults tell them when they’ve done something right. Children are usually eager to please the adults around them, and they need to know that they are capable of doing what is right, and what behavior is acceptable. The sooner children learn that their choices have consequences for good or for bad the better.
Is spanking an effective method for disciplining children? I used to think it wasn’t, but now I’m not so sure. I do believe that a parent or other authority figure who would use spanking abusively would mistreat children in other ways too. But even parents, teachers, and administrators who aren’t abusive need to be extremely cautious when it comes to corporal punishment. A child might be more sensitive or fragile than they look, and could be easily injured. Angry parents could also cause serious trouble if they think their child may have been mistreated or even harmed. Never forget that when children tell their side of a story they may gloss over or omit facts that could get them into further trouble, and embellish actions or statements that could make the teacher or administrator appear to be insensitive, prejudiced, and downright abusive.
Children do not need physical pain, and they certainly don’t need to be abused. But they do need discipline, which they can best learn from adults who are reaping the benefits of self-discipline.
About the Author
Janice L. Smith has BA and MA degrees in Psychology. She was a popular substitute teacher before and after graduate school, and also worked as a Museum Educator. Her novel, Daddy’s Little Secret is available at www.booksurge.com, and will soon be available at Amazon.com.
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